I'm distracted, by things I don't want to be distracted by

Karma has a funny way, and fate

Words that mean we love to hurt ourselves.

There's no use hiding, no use denying

Not when I'm doing it to myself.

Not when I'm choosing it for myself.

I run in a circle, a path which I never deviate

It's all coming back around the bend

Even if I've already left it behind.

They like 'em thin, they like 'em hot, they like 'em fine
And then from their pedestal tops they tell us
What beauty should be, what grace
But for the job they lose it, for the fame they lose it
They throw it away and they throw it in our faces
I am verbal beauty, I am verbal grace
I am a cupcake too many and a lipstick too few
And for all of that I will never have the time of day

They sound relieved, surprised,
When yesterday they were wholly terrified...

My brother's having a problem with blood clots in his lungs.  My father's having a problem with cancer.  My grandfather just had heart surgery. 

I'm supposed to "shelve it away." 

Let me tell what you can do with your shelving.

So there.

***

I am growth, and I am light
I am eager and a force
A slash into awareness
A knife into perception
I am everywhere and you,
You cannot hide your face
I am this shard, this blade
This fracture in your easiness
This crack in your contentment
I will drive into you
Unavoidable, unstoppable
And I will expand
In all the places I have made
I am this growth
I will purge all of you
I am this light
I will fill in every part
For I am in adundance

I'll shelve this away
Dry eyes, drier still
And if I had anything
To say, I'd say it
Or do, I'd do it
I've never smiled
Too bad, just too bad
Like this, and I--
Can't without a--
If I wanted to
Even then
On a burner in the back
With the dust
The dark and the
End of it, in the middle
I try not to
But I can't help
Myself, we can't
Not for ourselves
A hole right here
Just meant for
The light in our eyes
The beginning
To slip right through

***

Ohhh, Jeremiah, you dirty bullfrog, you

Recently, a national committee on medicaid decided that medicaid should no longer be used to pay for sex-change operations.

No shit.

My first question: Why the hell would a program for the underpriveledged be funding cosmetic surgery in the first place?  (You can argue psychological reasons to hell and back; I could really give a shit about whether or not you have a dick.  Scissors or a sewing kit are available at Wal-mart for low low prices, that more importantly don't affect a)children and seniors who really need medicaid and b)my pocket book.)

Which brings me to my second question: Why in the world was I ever expected to pay for such a thing?  If Bob wants to be a Betty or Betty a Bob, then they can damn well pay for it themselves.  Otherwise, every American should be give the dollar amount of a sex-change as an allowance, and we'll all be happy spoiled little brats together.  I think I'll spend mine on a trip to the movies and then use the change to buy myself a car.

Today, you stupid liberals, I hate ALL of you. 

So I lent my mother some books, namely, books that I got while I lived in Europe, and read while I lived in Europe, and thus they have some amount of sentimental value attached. 

My mother lent one of these (one of four) to my grandfather.

My grandfather gave it to "Good Will."

Now I have three.

I'm going to go to "Good Will" and see if I can buy back my own stinking book.  I guess that'll be my charitable contribution for the year.

Heavy like expectance in the air
And I don't owe you anything
You can't take this
And I won't give you a thing

I'm sick of answering back blindly.  I'm sick of hating myself for you.